5 Simple Ways to Make Your Spouse Feel Loved

5 Simple Ways to Make Your Spouse Feel Loved

I’m going to be honest and admit that when life gets busy, serving my husband quietly slips onto the backburner.

After all, we have so many responsibilities, activities and important tasks to get done every day.

And with only a few hours left in the evenings, we don’t have much time for ourselves, let alone each other.

But God calls us to a love much deeper than romantic passion. Don’t get me wrong-that spark is important, but today, I’m going to talk about an essential part of a strong marriage.


5 Simple Ways to Make Your Spouse Feel Loved


When we serve our spouses, we offer a selfless love that strengthens the very foundation of our marriage.

[bctt tweet="When we serve our spouses, we offer a selfless love that strengthens the very foundation of our marriage." username="NicoleAKauffman"]

When you serve your spouse, you send the message that they are important and respected, their needs are valued and their heart is secure.

So let’s dive into some practical ways you can serve you spouse over the next week.


1. Free Up Their Time


One of the most powerful ways to serve your spouse is to recognize what takes up their time and try and take on some of the load.

Do they spend most of their time cleaning? Maybe do the dishes two nights a week. Do they spend a significant amount of time paying bills? Maybe offer to take over some of the task.

Oftentimes we don’t know how to ask for help or we don’t realize we could use some help. If your spouse is stressed or overloaded, this is a great way to serve them.

When you serve your spouse in this way, you offer them time and space to decompress, to unwind and to connect with the Lord.

And this will strengthen their heart and your marriage.


2. Surprise Them


This one can be fun. Whether you surprise them by completing one of their typical chores, or you surprise them with a romantic evening, the element of surprise often accentuates the very gift or service offered.

Think about what makes your spouse feel loved. Consider their love language. What makes them feel valued?

If you haven’t already, try taking this quiz to determine your love language: Determine Your Love Language Quiz

Once you’ve decided this, then find a way to surprise them with it.

My husband is a service-oriented person. He loves when I do something practical for him. This makes him feel loved. So when I surprise him, often I will do a task or chore for him, and he values that greatly.

When you consider what makes your spouse feel loved and then do it as a surprise, it is a great way to serve them.


3. Use Your Words Well


God calls us to build each other up. This is crucial in a strong marriage.

[bctt tweet="God calls us to build each other up. This is crucial in a strong marriage." username="NicoleAKauffman"]

Our words have power. I know that when I am stressed or overwhelmed, my words start to reflect that. And in turn, my husband becomes discouraged.

I’ll admit that when I am feeling stressed, I tend to become accusatory and this makes my husband feel exhausted and distant.


When You Serve Your Spouse

I need to take extra care to be sure that the words that I use in our marriage are encouraging, respectful and to build him up.

It is amazing the difference a few words can make.


4. Bring Them to God in Prayer


Prayer is an essential part of a healthy marriage. When we pray for our spouses, God not only transforms them, but He transforms our hearts as well.

Whether you are hoping for a change in your marriage or hoping to continue strengthening it, prayer is crucial.

Spend time every morning praying for your spouse.

Pray for your marriage, but be sure to pray for all areas of their life.

You can also lift them up when you are in prayer together. This is a great way to strengthen your marriage.


5. It’s in the Little Things


There are so many big things that we can do to make our spouses feel loved, but in our everyday lives, what matters most is often the little things.

[bctt tweet="What matters most is often the little things." username="NicoleAKauffman"]

A kiss when your spouse arrives home from work. An offer to help with dinner. A kind word. There are so many little things that can greatly strengthen your marriage.

Be on watch for the opportunities that will pop up everyday.

When you take the time each day to connect with the Lord so that your eyes will be opened to all of the little opportunities that you can serve your spouse.

God is working in your heart and when you seek Him, He will give you the strength to serve your spouse in all areas of your marriage.

Continue to consider these five ways that you can make your spouse feel loved. Make them a natural part of your marriage.

What are some things that you do to make your spouse feel loved?




  1. The little things are the stones that build our foundations, aren’t they Nicole? I don’t think there is ever a lack of need in reading articles/posts about strengthening and sustaining our marriages. I have increasingly come to appreciate this more and more and more when we build one another up in truth like this. I pray your e-course is extremely successful.
    Always so grateful to have you in the #GraceMoments Community.

  2. Love these practical methods to love on our spouse—marriage needs work constantly, and these suggestions are so doable! Thanks for sharing… Your neighbour at #FreshMarketFriday 🙂

  3. Great tips here, Nicole! My husband’s love language is also gifts of service, so he really appreciates it when I surprise him by doing extra things around the house. It is so important to implement each of your tips for a healthy, strong marriage!

  4. Terrific advice, and so good to remember that it can be all too easy to take a loved one for granted… a few years ago my husband and I decided that our Saturdays were for just the two of us. Not to say we don’t run errands or work on projects or leave the house… but we do it all together… holding hands in the car… popping into to a fast food joint like two teenagers. Making being in each others company a priority has made such a difference to the rest of the week that follows!
    Love your post, so thankful for you today and for this reminder!

    1. Great way to make time for your husband, by just doing things together. Love that suggestion, Christine!

  5. I loved reading these practical tips for showing love. I know I like it when my husband does these kinds of things for me. Visiting from #faithandfriends.

  6. Nicole, I love these practical tips. I especially like the idea of freeing up some of my husband’s time. He works so hard for our family. i struggle with how to do this exactly, but recently I decided to simply ask. So occasionally, I just ask my husband if there is anything I can do for him during the day. Surprisingly, he often does name something! So that makes doing something for him easy, and it feels like I’m not shooting in the dark.

    Your e-course sounds great. I hope it is very successful! I enjoyed reading your post today. I dropped in from Brenda’s Chasing Community. 🙂

    1. Great reminder to simply ask, Kay! I often find myself guessing at something when my husband is right there with an abundance of answers! Thank you for your kind words!

  7. Thanks for these posts reminding us to pay attention. It’s so easy to fall into patterns, isn’t it? I’m especially bad about that during periods of busyness. The “Use words well” tip stands out to me, because my husband’s love language is words of affirmation. And, prayer. Always prayer. Inviting God in is powerful in marriage. — Great tips, Nicole. Thanks for sharing with #ChasingCommunity. ((Hug))

  8. It’s funny; I was just writing about loving through little things for a blog post next week. And then I read this! I’m definitely on the right track. 🙂 Those little ways do mean a lot! Thanks for sharing this encouragement, Nicole.

  9. Hi Nicole, I am one of your neighbors at Chasing Community this week. Love your post! Each morning when I get up and help my husband get ready for work it blesses him throughout the day. I help him pick out his clothes, make his coffee, or breakfast, whatever I can do to help him out the door with a smile on his, and that small act of kindness stays with him all day long. Great reminders.

    1. Love that, Misty! Great to hear a practical way you are serving your husband! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  10. So happy I read this today! I’ve been very distracted with kids and work lately so I needed this reminder to be intentional. Visiting from #coffeeforyourheart

  11. Hi Nicole,
    I think these wonderful tips could apply to any friendship too! Caring about others more than ourselves is the aspiration we should us to model our actions, isn’t it? 🙂 xo

  12. These are great suggestions! Sometimes my serving my husband falls on the back-burner too. There’s only so much of me 🙂 I’m going to be more intentional though with your tips!

  13. What a great post! These are all things that I strive to do, but like you, it’s easy to let them get shuffled to the back burner. Thanks for the reminder.

  14. These are such great reminders. My husband and I will text each other often and say “how can I pray for you today?” Definitely pinning this. 🙂

  15. In this day and age, it is so important to be intentional about strengthening our marriage. Using the love language has helped our marriage and our relationship with our kids. Thanks for sharing these practical tips. 🙂

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